Bully for Gimli

When we first bought our little dog, which was supposed to be a miniature dachshund but turned out to be closer to a Jack Russell Terrier / Dachshund mix (Jacksund), we decided that for a chew bone we would not use rawhide.  But he desperately needed to chew on something other than our furniture and my wife’s shoes. Our vet recommended Bully Sticks.

Gimli absolutely loves his bully sticks.  They last for a long time and don’t come apart and won’t clog up his system like rawhide.  For Christmas we bought him a 36” long bully stick.  Since he is a little dog (12lbs) he looked rather ridiculous chewing on something that was over three times his length.  It also was quite awkward when he wanted to sit in our lap and chew as the stick kept getting stuck in odd places that are best not discussed. Anyway, once we had enough laughs watching him carry the yard stick of dried meat around the house, I decided that it was time to cut things down to size.  A bit of advice… Never, ever, ever cut a bully stick with a powered miter saw.  The stink was and is horrendous.

After recovering from stench it occurred to me that I really don’t have any idea what a bully stick is actually made of.  So I did a little search online starting with Wikipedia.  To my surprise there is no article on Bully Sticks, I was however, redirected to something called Pizzle.  Yep, you guessed it, it is made out of an animal penis.  More to the point, bull penises.

Here are some interesting excerpts from Wikipedia in case you don’t want to follow the link.

Pizzle is an old English word for penis, derived from Low German pesel or Flemish Dutch pezel, diminutive of pees, meaning ‘sinew’. The word is used today to signify the penis of an animal, chiefly in Australia and New Zealand.

It is also known, at least since 1523, especially in the combination “bull pizzle”, to denote a flogging instrument made from a bull’s penis – compare bullwhip.

Animal consumption:

Pizzles, or Bully Sticks, are almost exclusively used/produced today as chewing treats for dogs.  They are prepared from a fibrous muscle, which is cleaned, stretched, twisted and then sun dried, oven baked, or smoked. Wood used in the smoking process can impart its aroma to the pizzle. The result is a very hard, 80–100 centimetres (30–40 in) long brown stick, which is then sawed into pieces appropriate for the size of the dog

Human consumption:

In addition to being used as a dog treat, pizzles are also eaten by humans for their health benefits such as being low in cholesterol and high in protein, hormones, vitamins and minerals such as calcium and magnesium.  Pizzles for human consumption are prepared either by freezing or by drying. Scottish deer pizzles are thought to boost stamina and were used by Chinese athletes at the 2008 Summer Olympics.  Pizzles can be served in soup, and if they have been dried they can be turned into a paste. Pizzles may also be mixed with alcoholic beverages or simply thawed (if frozen) and eaten.  In Jamaica, bull pizzles are referred to as “cow cods” and are eaten as cow cod soup.  Like many pizzle-based foods, cow cod soup is claimed to be a male aphrodisiac.

The last sentence does shed some light as to why Gimli still attempts to mount and violate our cats. You would think that after six months without any testicles he would calm down a bit.  Nope, not one bit.  But the look on the cat’s face is priceless.

I am not at all concerned about these animal parts showing up with in ground beef or hotdogs.  This kind of thinking hasn’t bothered me since I attended a team building exercise at Bruce’s Bar in Severance Colorado.  This is the place where the term “rocky mountain oysters” got its start.  http://brucesbar123.com/.  At the time I never really gave it much thought as to what happened to the other half of the bull’s “Equipment” they served at Bruce’s.  I assumed that the “Oysters” were removed early.  However that would make the bull kind of redundant.  Gelding cow doesn’t sound very useful.

Some people really get worked up when they find out their meat comes from an unsavory portion of an animal.  There is something about snouts, hooves, buts, dicks, nipples, brains, ears, and the like that turn a lot of people off.  However if you mix them into sausage or ground beef it seems more palatable.  Then there are people who want the parts that other people may find repulsive.

There are many people who would pay extra for animal dicks.  The down side is that some animals risk extinction due to human dicks pursuit of exotic animal dicks.  I believe this can be managed.  Let’s face it every animal eventually dies, and half of all animals have dicks.

If I owned a burger joint I would offer this as a special ingredient.  Especially on date night.  I would also contract out to local zoos to make sure I had access to some exotic special ingredients.  Imagine taking your friend who wants to be an Olympian swimmer out for a genuine penguin dick burger?  Or the NBA hopeful who always wanted to see if he could conquer the famous giraffe dog?

To wrap it all up, our wiener dog likes to eat bull penis.  Also it gives me a chance to answer the question my lovely wife will inevitably ask next time I cut up a Bully Stick with my power miter saw.  “What on earth is that horrible smell?”

I can reply “Burning bull penis of course”.

-Pf

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One thought on “Bully for Gimli

  1. In Jamaica, bull pizzles are referred to as “cow cods” and are eaten as cow cod soup . Like many pizzle-based foods, cow cod soup is claimed to be a male aphrodisiac .

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