A few days ago I was listening to a stand-up comic on the radio. He was doing a great bit on air travel and how much he hates it. I agree. He decided that if he was going to be miserable he would see to it that everyone else was as well. I don’t agree on this philosophy. Anyway, he was talking about how if you really wanted to be a complete jerk you should plan on being the very last person on the plane, that way it gives the person who will be sitting next to you a false sense of victory. “Yea! I get a massive new space between me and the jerk on the isle. Score!” Then you show up and shatter his dreams of a comfortable flight. He goes on to describe other irritating behaviors of people on airplanes.
Friday, when I boarded a plane bound for Frankfurt, I had a similar experience. With one difference, no one showed up to sit next to me! Yea! But there was a baby two rows back, which was having a difficult time with air travel, and wanted to let everyone know. Given the choice, I would still rather have an empty seat next to me.
Before I got onto the plane I had to wait in line. In line there was a clot of Italians returning home. I have nothing against Italians, but they do not understand the concept of the queue. I was standing in line to board the plane and there were two Italians in line in front of me. (No two is not a clot… yet) As soon as the line became quite long suddenly five more showed up to join them in the line. Then they found out there were in the wrong line, they all simply moved over into the center of the correct one. Normally this would piss me off, however the line is to get on to a plane. I was in no hurry.
Why would anyone want to be in a hurry to get on the plane? I always wondered why it is a big deal to be seated first. Gold star members, first class, business class, all get to get onto the plane and sit and wait while all the riffraff settles down. If I was seated in first class I would wait in the lounge until the last minute to board. Sure first class is comfortable, or so I am told, but who wants to be in the plane any longer than they have to?
This plane must have been one of the older ones in Lufthansa’s fleet. It didn’t have seat back TVs, just the ones that hang from the ceiling. The first video, of course, was the safety video. Then they had a rather lengthy video about new innovations that they are introducing to special flights, specifically first class. I think that this is particularly cruel to show this to the coach passengers. They actually have a seat that reclines into a bed so first class and business passengers can sleep all stretched out, like in a normal bed. OMFG, what a great concept! Why don’t they try that for coach?
I would love to travel lying down. Even if it were at an angle, let’s say 30 degrees. Not standing, but not completely lying down either. I bet they could get the same amount of people in the same space, but more comfortably. Hey, it’s just an idea.
Another idea I had was for sedation during the flight. Just hook up an IV and let me sleep all the way. This would not be such a good idea for short distances, but let’s say on flights over 8 hours. No need to serve food or show a movie. Just slide me into a container like mail, and then drip me to sleep and stack me up in cargo. I rather like this idea. We could all be stacked up like fed ex triangle tubes.