Sports Indifference Disorder

 

I am not a sports fan, and I have cats.  Some people may say that this is a strong indicator of one or more personality disorders.  The normal middle age man is supposed to love all sports, have an encyclopedic knowledge of trivia related to sports team statistics, oh and own a dog.  Well that’s not me.  In fact I take issue with the word fan.  Is the term fan short for fanatic, or from the British fancy?  Isn’t there a term for a person who likes sports, but only a little bit?  I guess there is no need to have a term for someone who doesn’t give a rat’s ass about sports in general.  I guess I fall into the later category.  I find that I simply do not care one way or another about any sport, athlete, or event.  I can’t seem to get excited about what team is doing what.  I have even tried to fake it.  Nothing seems to work.

 

I am beginning to suspect that I am a member of a very small minority.  When a small minority of people display behaviors that are different from societal norms it may be diagnosed as a deficiency or maybe even a disorder.  I don’t know if there is a term for this, but I am willing to make some up:

Sports indifference disorder.  (SID)

Fan potential deficiency.  (FPD)

Maybe even Anti-obsessive-compulsive sports disorder. (AOCSD)

I can’t guess at a treatment; however, I can help provide a list of symptoms from personal experience.

 

You may be a victim of Sports Indifference Disorder (SID) if:

You discard Sunday newspaper sports section before you discard the drug company ads.

When watching the news in the morning you switch channels at the first sign of sports coverage, then get angry when all the channels are covering sports at the same time. 

While sitting in a waiting room at a doctor’s office you’re given a choice of magazines.  Sports Illustrated, Cosmopolitan, and a magazine size ad for drugs, you pick sports illustrated only after you read the other two, cover to cover. 

When other people talk about merits of some sports hero you suddenly get the feeling that they are speaking a different language, just to screw with you.

You think that Sports uniforms look like super hero costumes, especially bicyclists and football players.  You begin to think that their appearance would be improved by adding a cape.

When a co-worker mentions a teams name you have to ask what sport they are talking about.

You give equal status to all sports and don’t understand why baseball is more popular than kickball, unicycle hockey, or extreme ironing.

When someone jokes about some sport in another country that they say is odd or strange, you don’t get the joke. 

The Olympics seems like a huge public relations campaign for arts and multiculturalism, with some sports coverage in between. You only watch the beginning and the end, if at all.

You don’t understand how wearing a team color supports anything.

You time your outings to coincide with big sports events because there will be less crowds.

You understand sports euphuisms only through context.  i.e. Baseball bases and sex.

-pf

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