1.25X and the taming of the squirrels.


That is the magnification I need to be able to read. I know it isn’t much, but without reading glasses I can’t see a damn thing up close.  Until about five years ago I had perfect vision.  Getting old isn’t for sissies; you eventually have to man up and get the readers.  


While gardening the other day I managed to drop then step on my only pair of readers.  So I stopped by the local Walgreens and bought another pair.  I guess Walgreens has a serious issue with middle age people steeling reading glasses.  The readers I bought had a rather elaborate mechanism of attaching the price/alarm label to the rims.  It was made of incredibly tough translucent plastic, some kind of ridged belt around the bridge.  I asked the person at the register if she had some way of cutting the label off the glasses.  She said, “Yea, those are a real bitch to get off, we broke a few scissors on some last week”.  So I took them home with the label still on, I figured that I have lots of tools at home, I can get these off myself.   


Then I ran into an interesting conundrum.  I need the reading glasses to see how to cut off the plastic tag.  I guess I should have bought two.  I went to my shop to find a tool to remove the damn tag.  While holding the glasses at arms length and carefully using a pair of wire cutters, I managed to separate the glasses from its plastic prison.  It was touch and go for a moment or two; it took three cuts to finally free my glasses.  Is this level of security really nessessary for a pair of reading glasses?


The next challenge I ran into was taming the squirrels.  Due to some genetic quirk, my eyebrows grow like mad while the hair on my head slowly disappears.  My brow squirrels don’t seem to stop growing, if I don’t shave them down a bit every once in a while I would eventually grow a brow beard.  Not a pretty sight. 


This presents an interesting problem. I need to be careful trimming down the eyebrows or I may end up even funnier looking than I already do. To do so I have to wear readers so I can see where to cut.  But the readers get in the way of reaching my eyebrows.  It was a comical exercise of holding my glasses at the end of my nose, tilting my head back and getting eyebrow pieces in my eyes.  I never thought that personal hygiene would be so challenging, or so comical. 


The older I get the more I find that I have to laugh at myself to get by. 




One thought on “1.25X and the taming of the squirrels.

  1. planetross says:

    You are singing to the choir on this one.

    I sometimes find a rogue eyebrow hair that is twice as long as all the other ones … that I didn’t notice for a few weeks.

    note: sometimes there is an ignored hair growing out of my forehead for … how knows long!!! … before I catch its presence. It’s shocking!

    double note: I need to be groomed by a professional regularly.

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