chakra 101

  I thought Yoga was an exercise with a little BS mixed in.

I guess I am a little dense.   I should have known that anything worth doing is worth over doing.

 I learned about chakras during my yoga class that my lovely wife and I are taking.  After hearing the instructor talk about chakras I just had to do an internet search to find out if she was as full of shit as she sounded. 


 One of the basic tenets of New Age is that each human body has seven chakras.

 These are energy locations which can be blocked, healed, and even seen by some.



I didn’t know this when I first started taking a yoga class, but apparently chakras are a core belief of yoga.  I should have look into this going in…. 

This idea has been incorporated into many different new age practices.

What a surprise.

According what I found on the internet (which never lies)  the chakra system was first developed in India in the middle ages. The word “chakra” is a sanskrit word meaning wheel.

Man, what a bonus.  I was taking Yoga because I wanted to creek and pop less when I got out of bed.  I didn’t know I have chakras hidden all over me.  I guess they are not really hidden if some people can see them. Wouldn’t it be cool if someone invented a pair of special glasses that would enable people to see chakras? 

Chakra vision. 


I am sure it was pure coincidence that we practiced eye rolling shortly before the discussion on Chakras.  From what I learned in class the major Chakras are located along the spinal column of the body – starting in your crotch and going up to the top of your head. Each chakra is represented by a different color of the rainbow – starting with red at the bottom up to violet on the crown. Each chakra location represents different emotions and feelings. 


I wonder if palm readers know about this.  They should think about an upgrade and get some chakra vision glasses.


All the chakras should be in balance.  From what I remember, our instructor said there is spinning and colors involved.  I also learned that most people do not have ideal chakras; most of us have chakras which are doing something that they shouldn’t, spinning too fast or the wrong color or something.  This wasn’t too clear, but the cure was to bend awkwardly and visualize colors.  So that is what we did.  The color visualization didn’t do anything for me, but the bending was ok.  I mean that’s what I am there for, so bending and breathing I am cool with.  Talk about chakras kind of muddies my enthusiasm.



1. Root Chakra – Represents our foundation and feeling of being grounded.

Location: Base of spine in tailbone area.

Emotional issues: Survival issues such as financial independence, money, and food.


2. Sacral Chakra – Our connection and ability to accept others and new experiences.

Location: Lower abdomen, about 2 inches below the navel and 2 inches in.

Emotional issues: Sense of abundance, well-being, pleasure, sexuality.


3. Solar Plexus Chakra – Our ability to be confident and in-control of our lives.

Location: Upper abdomen in the stomach area.

Emotional issues: Self-worth, self-confidence, self-esteem.


4. Heart Chakra – Our ability to love.

Location: Center of chest just above heart.

Emotional issues: Love, joy, inner peace.


5. Throat Chakra – Our ability to communicate.

Location: Throat.

Emotional issues: Communication, self-expression of feelings, the truth.


6. Third Eye Chakra – Our ability to focus on and see the big picture.

Location: Forehead between the eyes. (Also called the Brow Chakra)

Emotional issues: Intuition, imagination, wisdom, ability to think and make decisions.


7. Crown Chakra – The highest Chakra represents our ability to be fully connected spiritually.

Location: The very top of the head.

Emotional issues: Inner and outer beauty, our connection to spirituality, pure bliss.


I think this list is not quite adequate to express all the emotions that we modern humans deal with.  I feel like I need to add some minor Chakras to the list.  I think I have found three, but I am looking real hard for the rest of them.


Left Chakra – The left of center Chakra represents our ability to make stupid decisions for the best of intentions.  This is a reverse chakra, the more you exercise it the worse it gets, which is a good thing.

Location:  Left Ear

Emotional issues:  Self delusion and a willingness to believe something is what you want it to be. 


Right Chakra – The right of center Chakra represents our ability to make stupid decisions based on fear, tradition, and an old book. This is a reverse chakra, the more you exercise it the worse it gets, which is a good thing.

Location:  Right Ear.

Emotional issues:  Self delusion and a willingness to believe something is what you want it to be.


Snarky Chakra – This is one of the most hidden areas of the body where our cynical humor center is located. 

Location:  Big toe on left foot.

Emotional issues:  This area effects our spiritual connection to the sarcastic, impertinent, and the irreverent.   This is not a reverse chakra, which is a good thing.


I am looking into what the Big toe on the right foot does, but it just isn’t doing anything for me.  If I only had chakra vision glasses, imagine what I could see.  Insect chakras?  Pet chakras?  Cheese chakras?  


The list could be endless.

Please feel free to contribute.




One thought on “chakra 101

  1. cave says:

    Practiced eye-rolling right after this? That’s hysterical. “Now class, right after my explanation of chakras, we will practice the rabbit-who-is-trying-hard-not-to-laugh pose, followed by the gorilla-sticking-it-out-even-though-this-mystical-nonsense-tends-to-annoy-and-distract-him-from-the-benefits-of-stretching stance.”

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