Don’t drink and Trek

CBMCLFI should never drink Peach Snaps and Mountain Dew while watching Star Trek movies.  Not sure which movie, or what the plot line was but I remember that part of the movie revolved around going back in time (a fresh new Star Trek concept) and visiting earth. The crew of the Enterprise, (The Next Generation) was helping with human beings first contact with an alien species, namely with the Vulcans.  One of the things that really struck me with this movie was how advanced other races were compared to humans.  Well someone had to be first with space travel; the odds are against us if there is any truth to the potential number of alien races. 


Well anyway, I was thinking about how these alien species must have been watching us for a long period of time before finally making contact.  In the Star Trek timeline that means that Vulcans, Romulens, Ferengi, and many other space faring creatures, are at this moment watching and listening to our broadcasts. I wonder how we are perceived by alien races.  I bet humans are viewed in a similar manor as Americans view Japanese game shows, amusing, pointless, and odd. Probably the same way the Japanese view American Wrestle-mania. 

I imagine that War like species, (Klingons), probably watch our WWII movies, I am sure they are still trying to figure out Kelley’s Heroes.  The Vulcans probably get a cerebral kick in the nuts over watching Mythbusters, and probably get a guilty pleasure out of watching Big Bang Theory.  I would like to think that aliens trade our broadcasts like Pokémon cards. 


I often wonder if aliens spend time in hotel bars telling stupid human jokes and complaining about how irritating the holographic version of power point is.  Well.. not that often, usually only after drinking peach snaps and Mountain Dew.


Here is an example of some alien jokes about humans that pop into my mind after a half dozen drinks.


 Romulans telling a joke at a seedy star port bar:

“Did you hear about the Human who was concerned about his carbon footprint?”

“Yea, he didn’t know he was a carbon based life form!” 


“Hey, Vulcan… yea you in the corner not drinking, you left copper foot prints all over the place”

“Hahahahahaha snort.. snort.. snort”


I bet you didn’t know that Romulans snort when they laugh.


Klingons telling a joke at a bar (translated):

“Why do humans beat their foreheads into a wall when they feel stupid?”

“They try to scar their foreheads to look more intelligent!”


I bet Klingons have every Chuck Norris movie ever made.  They study his moves hoping to learn just how dangerous we humans really are.  Chuck Norris may end up with credit for delaying the inevitable Human vs. Klingon war until after Kirk is born.


Other species in the Star Trek worlds probably also have some great disparaging remarks about our appearance.

(Your mother has a smooth forehead)

(Slightly harry sacks of water)

(Xenophobic limp sock puppets)

(Horn-less wonders)

(Endoskeleton wimps)

(Two eyes)

(Fuel drinking smoke stacks)


Feel free to add some in the comments…….



All this just go to show that I should never ever drink peach snaps and Mountain Dew while watching Star Trek.


Maybe Star Wars…..

But never Star Trek.




4 thoughts on “Don’t drink and Trek

  1. planetross says:

    Love the Klingon joke!

    My mind isn’t up to warp speed at the moment, but …

    “What did the Borg say when they visited Earth for the first time?
    You will be assimilatered.”

  2. planetross says:

    I come back here after a few days and no new jokes!!!

    I almost replicated myself!!!!

    I can’t believe it! Are there no Trekkies out there?

    • I am disappointed as well. We trekkers are a dying breed. It could also be a summer thing, people are out in the sunshine doing useful things like frolicking, and sewing oats rather than posting silly jokes about Star Trek. Or maybe it’s a generational thing, people old enough to really get the old generation are waiting for a post about Star Wars… I am working on that as I write this.

  3. S. Le says:

    I never joke about Star Trek. If we were joking about Star Wars, now THAT I would get involved in. I’m a life-long Trek fan, especially the first two generations. I’m sorry but I can’t picture Romulans snorting; only leering and sneering.

    How can you tell a Romulan from a Vulcan?

    The Romulan is the one giving the 1 finger salute.

    “Live long and prosper.”

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