Visit Flounderland


After my Son’s graduation, and once all the guests left for their homes I began to wonder.  How did they enjoy their visit?  How did they feel when they went home? 


Whenever I go on vacation I find that there is a sweet spot to try to hit, someplace between not wanting to leave, and desperate to escape. This spot is hard to find without going over into the desperate to leave part.  If only there were some clues to find this sweet spot.  So, as a service for future visitors to Flounderland here are some clues to watch for.


Watch for these signs.  They indicate when you are getting too comfortable to leave, or are getting close to desperation but not over the edge yet.


  • You count the numbers of shoes by the front door as a loose indicator of how many teenagers are actually in the house, and this seems perfectly normal.
  • Pizza is breakfast, lunch, and dinner, but only if you’re under 25.
  • Gun powder burns, bruised shoulders, and cactus needles in your ankles mean you had a good time.
  • You start to believe that Star Trek, Monty Python, and The Family Guy are required interrelated topics of intellectual conversation.
  • If you don’t get up early enough to feed the cats, they bring in a bird and put it in the cat bowl.  You see this as just and proper.
  • Gun cleaning solvent, sulfur, and citronella oil start to smell good.
  • You understand why “Please do not touch anything in the garage” is not a patronizing remark but is taken in the same way as “Don’t feed the lions by hand”
  • You notice that after dark people stop asking where the bathroom is. And you’re one of them.
  • You’re comfortable with casual conversation that contains the words: Newton-seconds, Ammonium Perchlorate, Erosive burning, Shred, and dual deployment.
  • You’ve become comfortable using abbreviations like BATFE, LEUP, NCR, AHJ, and CATO, but when you mention NBA or ESPN everyone looks at you like you’re from Uranus.
  • You find that everyone around the fire pit has personal experience with topics covered on Mythbusters before it was even a show.  They also verify that the show is right on the mark.
  • You start to wonder why they don’t sell Elk or Bison steak everywhere.
  • Phoebe accepts you and drools on your lap.



3 thoughts on “Visit Flounderland

  1. planetross says:

    I have a friend who asks if it is okay to pee behind my house … while he’s sitting in the livingroom!
    It’s okay, as long as he doesn’t go near the wheelchair at the back of the house.
    I guess he can’t do that stuff at home or something.

    • There is something liberating about peeing outdoors, marking territory and all that. I have to assume that my cats don’t like it. I really don’t want to get into a pissing contest with them, they know where I sleep.

  2. S. Le says:

    Brilliant list! I wouldn’t pee in the dark though. Complications could arise.

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