Zombie farm

I know, I know, I am sure I have explored this before.  I just can’t seem to let go of the thought of zombified animals. I am not talking about human and animals zombies; I am talking about some kind of zombiefication that only affects animals.  Most zombie movies deal with humans being as the only beings effected.  Resident evil and one of the DotD movies (The bad one) are the only ones that seemed to explore this.  What about a zombie movie where only animals are afflicted, maybe some species but not others? 

I believe that many animals could be even worse than human zombies.  Worse you say?  How could zombie animals possibly be worse than human zombies? 


Glad you asked….


One reason would be because they would be incognito.  Humans rely on facial expressions and general appearance a tremendous amount.  Just look at makeup commercials, even a single blemish is a cause for alarm.  Most animals, however, are covered in fur.  What happens if you don’t see an alarmingly noticeable zombie like appearance with Fifi your poodle, or Boots your cat?  You’re poodle chow or a friskies buffet that’s what. 

Panic would surely ensue.  The small dicked neighbor with the Hummer in the drive way and the Rottweiler in the dog run and would be whimpering under his bed.  The crazy lady down the block with a hundred cats wouldn’t last five minutes.  She may as well call in for an air strike the moment little sprinkles or muffin starts to pace around saying “Meow….Brains…”  Veterinarians would be running for the hills.  Ranchers could really start worrying about mad cows.  “What’s wrong Betsy?”

“Moooo Braaains…..”

Resident Evil touched on this a little bit with zombie dogs and zombie crows.  Sure the zombie dogs were cool but crows?  I have been to Nevada, crows always act like that.

What about zombie prairie dogs?  They are cute, and that makes them especially hazardous. And there are thousands of the damn things around here. If they got together in a brain hunting frenzy half the Midwest would have to be nuked to cull the herd.  Some may think that nuking the flyover wouldn’t be a huge loss, but where else are you going to store your hazardous waste, install your windmills, or go on your dude ranch vacations? 

Another cute rodent hazard is rabbits. Zombie bunnies would attract little kids like magnets.  The consequences to bunny zombies would be harsh. Cadbury, Trix, and Playboy would go out of business.  What would happen to Easter if children were taught to shoot bunnies on sight?  I shudder to think of the repercussions.  It would, however, boost religious services.

Don’t think just because you live in a city near the coasts that you’re safe, what about zombie pigeons?  And people in the bay area would have a particularly rough time with zombie sea lions and seals.  Zombie rats fall into the same category as the previously mentioned Nevada crows.  Not much would change but they have the potential to infect Fido or Fluffy.

Zombie barn animals really give me the willies.  Can you even imagine a zombie bull? What about geese?  I have been personally assaulted by normal geese and it’s not a pretty sight, I don’t even want to think of zombie geese. 

This would also affect our food supply; I do not think we have enough vegetables in America to feed our population.  Meat would have to be outlawed for our own protection.  Imagine the crime wave once a black market on zombie tested meat was started?  Gangsters running speak easies selling chicken nuggets.  Street pushers would be charging hundreds of dollars for jerky. 

Let’s not even talk about Zoos.

For me I will stick to the human zombie movie idea.  Sure the whole point of zombie movies is to be frightened, but let’s keep it to human zombies.  It’s a lot less scary; however, it will be easier for me to sleep at night.


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2 thoughts on “Zombie farm

  1. S. Le says:

    Hilarious! Thanks for the laugh you demented Prairie person!

  2. planetross says:

    I always like that cat in Pet Cemetary: I’m not sure if that classifies as a zombie.
    I’m not up on my zombie rules.

    I think they actually have a rabbit killing contest some where in New Zealand over the Easter weekend. At least the Possums are spared for a few days.

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