Well it’s finally happened.
I have finally broken from the pressure.
I have to thank the mass media and particularly NPR for bringing me into the light.
Today I am renouncing my evil ways, and throwing my full support behind President Obama and the Democratic Party. Yes, I am doing an about face and proudly marching to the left. In fact I am on the Democratic Party website changing my party affiliation as we speak.
I have a lot of work to do when I get home. I have started a list of all the things I have to do in order to properly support my new ideals.
Prairie Flounder’s progressive to do list:
- 1. Put my 72 international one ton truck up for sale. No, wait, I will give it to charity. No one needs such a gas hog, maybe a nice old farmer will get it.
- 2. Sell all my guns. The police are completely capable of defending me anyway. All guns should be banned so we can be safe.
- 3. Convert my bus to run on E-85, electricity, hydrogen, or moon beams. No, better yet, I will walk or ride a bike to work, its only ten miles or so.
- 4. Burn the wrong kinds of books, Ayn Rand, P J O’Rourke, Ted Nugent, Robert Heinlein, will all have to go. Also my financial and investment books are now moot. (I would give them to charity but someone may read them)
- 5. Change all the light bulbs to compact florescent lights.
- 6. Cancel my memberships and subscriptions to the PGI, Zombie Squad, Liberator, Cap magazine, RMGO, and Reason.
- 7. Buy some recycling bins.
- 8. Liquidate my savings and investments and start spending to help stimulate the economy.
- 9. Apply for some credit cards (I don’t have any) so I can further stimulate the economy.
- 10. Buy a push mower.
- 11. Build a solar BBQ.
- 12. Sell my wife’s Honda and buy her a new American made Hybrid, if I can find one.
- 13. Put an Obama bumper sticker on my HPM.
- 14. Start buying lottery tickets.
- 15. Donate more money to worthy causes, such as important political action committees.
- 16. Subscribe to The Nation.
- 17. Set up an account to pay my fair share to support NPR. This I will set up to automatically bill my new credit card.
Oh I will also have to go through my DVD collection. Films like Serenity, firefly, and my zombie movie collection are clearly not appropriate. Likewise my collection of Penn and Teller episodes of Bullshit will have to go. I have to go out and start collecting more progressive DVDs like the fine works of Michael Moore, and Al Gore. Also I have to begin collecting MASH re-runs.
I would like to say that I am sorry for voting for republicans, but since I didn’t I will have to apologize for voting against Democrats. Dukakis, Clinton, Al Gore, and Obama, please accept my apologies.
Oh the shame.
To fully comply with my new progressive lifestyle I have decided to quit my job as Control Systems Specialist and take out student loans to complete my education. In my position I save the college lots of money by not using contractors and performing my work in-house. This action alone would supply jobs to four or five reasonably competent contract workers. Of course I will study hard and get a Masters degree in something meaningful like aroma therapy.
Please help with any further suggestions.
Oh, and happy April Fools day!