Evolving conversations


From my experience conversations between married couples evolve over time. 


The first stage is one of trivial conversations that occur while getting to know each other. These are characterized with some astonishingly left field lead in phrases and quick changes of topic that are endearing and enchanting.


The next stage of conversation is where each partner divulges more in depth information in an effort to open up and prove to the other that they are worth the risk of becoming devastated by ridicule.


After that many years the couple soon find that there is nothing that they will not discuss with each other.  Every topic is on the table, risking exposure is over, nothing is sacred. 


Then after another stretch of time conversations become a mater of knowing each other so well that most conversations have a beginning and an ending but nothing in the middle.  For example:

I would say, “I was thinking….”

My wife would answer, “Good idea, we should get started….

I would finish, “Ok, I will pack before work”

Like reading each others mind, but not really.


A new pattern has started now that we are approaching twenty five years together.

Now some of our conversations combine the mind reading, sentence finishing, why even bother talking conversations, with out of left field, who knows where that comes from first date kind of conversations.


For example:


Last night my wife and I were talking about what we needed to pick up at the grocery store.  We were walking to the front door, I said something like “Do you want to get dinner at the grocery store or eat out”?  She replied “I left the charger at work”


My mind went into vapor lock.  We were just talking about groceries and what to have for dinner, then out of left field she tells me about a charger. My brain gets totally side tracked; I start to think ‘What the hell is she talking about’?  Then she continued on without missing a beat “Oh I don’t care, we can eat out if you want”


After a dozen or so questions about phones, dinner, and work I finally caught up to the fact that she walked by where I charge my phone and remembered that she left my charger at work.



I suppose that I am guilty of a similar behavior as my wife, however, she seems much more able to cope.  Like a battled hardened sergeant she isn’t fazed by anything, just accepts things as they are and doesn’t worry about the little things.  

For example: My lovely wife came out to the garage to get a soda out of the fridge and sees me at my work bench with a coffee grinder.

She says “What’s that horrible noise”? 

I reply, “Grinding kitty litter” as I take off the lid of the grinder and some powdery dust floats out like smoke.

She said, “That’s nice.  Have fun” Then she disappears into the house.

I was looking forward to telling her all about why I was grinding up kitty litter with a coffee grinder. 

She wasn’t even curious.


Later that evening we were watching this interesting show about 911.  It was a compilation of home videos taken from people in NY during the attack. 

I said “I just can’t imagine that much dust; I wonder where it all went?”

She answered, “You didn’t use the litter out of the box did you?”


I wonder what the next phase of conversations will be.



p.s.  “sophisticat” is an excellant brand of kitty litter for this purpose.


3 thoughts on “Evolving conversations

  1. Tony says:

    Even though your wife didn’t ask, I must…
    Why were you grinding kitty litter in a coffee grinder???
    I am absolutely fascinated to know

  2. You will find your answer here…


    I will have to find some Fresh Step clumpable….


  3. jimsmuse says:

    The fact that she didn’t need to ask just proves how much she trusts you…it’s sweet!

    My own spouse and I have been accused of being odd for having “private” conversations at public functions. These “conversations” consist of shrugs, inside jokes, a prison yard whisper that others claim not to be able to hear, movie quotes and a few sound effects that have meaning for the two of us.

    I guess I’m sorry to leave everyone else out of these conversations, but I’m not that sorry as I feel lucky that there is someone else that “gets” me so completely.

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