Hump day political rant

Please calm down.

You know who you are.


You’re the screaming conservative, red in the face, sweating and cursing about how Obama and his liberal minions are taking over America in an attempt to take over the country and turn it into a sissified Hollywood version of communist Russia.  Aborting babies left and right, disarming law abiding citizens, raising taxes and plowing billions of dollars into programs that don’t work anyway.


You’re the indignant pissed off liberal who somehow believes that everything wrong with America is personally the fault of the current Administration, which is lead by a stupid, evil, ignorant, tactical genius, that lied, cheated, tortured innocents, killed babies, started wars, invaded innocent countries and is in the process of starting WWIII for the purpose of making money for his oil buddies.


Just about everyone seems to have strong opinions.  Apparently there is a massive canyon that divides the two political parties.  Even good friends can be split apart in heated arguments. I think even my cats are divided by partisan politics.  They can’t even walk by each other with hissing in disagreement.


Watching the television has become an exercise in holding your nose during commercials that over exaggerate political stereotypes of the apposing party.  Political pundants, radio shock jocks, nightly news, and just about every person even remotely politically minded perpetuate the same old shtick. Both parties are spending enormous piles of cash to get their messages across.  The only good that may come of this is it has the potential for funding better programming.  I am waiting for the next reality show where Republicans and Democrats are pitted against each other by placing them in a house with poorly hidden cameras.  Get… ready to Ruuumbleeee…!


According to the media the differences are clear.


Democrats view Republican as ignorant, gun toting, un-educated, religious extremist, who spend their evenings protesting abortion clinics, planning paving projects over national monuments or beating their children with a bible. 

The bumper sticker:  “No god no peace, Know god Know peace”


Republicans view Democrats as over educated, snobbish, flower power peace protesters, who spend their evenings smoking dope, aborting babies, freeing killers, and raising taxes on the rich to buy the love and admiration of the poor. 

The bumper sticker: “Art Heals”


Each party paints an extreme and ugly picture of the other side, and the media does everything it can to perpetuate this.  So in the spirit of season here is my extrapolation of the ludicrous extreme.


What would America look like if one party was in total control for a long enough period of time to actually fulfill their opponent’s expectations?


A Democrat America would look like a cross between San Francisco and England.  There would be two main classes of people, overpaid union workers and educators.  Politicians and lawyers would be the royalty class that make all the money and decide what is safe enough for the rest of us to have access too.  Most businesses would move overseas to avoid taxes in the US.  The highest paid worker would be paid ten times the minimum wage, but that would be ok as the minimum wage would be $50.00 an hour.  Abortion doctors would work for the federal government and make house calls. Religion would be banned as a threat to public mental health.  Environmental concerns and wellness would take precedence over all other human activities including growing food.  Transportation would be by light rail and bicycles.  All energy would be produced by windmills, magic and flying unicorn farts.


A Republican America would look like a cross between Hitler’s Germany and Detroit.  There would be two main classes of people, starving street people and millionaire oil barons, but that’s ok because someone has to pave the roads for their big SUVs.  Atheists, homosexuals, and communists would be forced into special churches where god will be saturated into their brains to help purge evil from their souls.  Oil executives and the military would be the royalty class that make all the money and decide if it is safe enough to leave our homes.  Most businesses would be in Texas, but they will ship all the manual labor overseas where slaves can work for a penny a week.  The highest paid person owns Oregon and is planning on paving it just for the hell of it.  Building the military and invading the rest of the globe would take precedence over education, and healthcare.  Transportation will be by diesel powered 4wd trucks or Hummers.  All energy would be produced by burning old growth forests soaked in oil.


This of course is ham fisted and completely at odds with reality, but so is most political news coverage.  I can see why the news media does this, its fun to exaggerate stereotypes.  It’s ironic that exaggerating stereotypes is not politically correct unless you’re doing it to politicians.


In reality, both parties are only slight variations on the same theme, they both work hard to satisfy the desires of their constituents whether we want them too or not. The truth is that both the Democrats and the Republicans use basically the same tactics for the same reasons.  They work hard with the best of intentions to do what they think is right from their point of view.  In the process they position the government as an institution that the population depends upon for their happiness and security. 


Nothing good comes from dependency and the road to hell is paved with good intentions.  Both of the major political parties practice this tactic.  Just because something is popular doesn’t mean it is right.


So whomever you decide to vote against come November try to remember that as long as the general public continues to look to the government for help we will continue to perpetuate this cycle. 


So relax take a deep breath and vote against your favorite demon.

Vote for Democrats because you fear Conservatives will increase the patriot act, get involved in more military actions abroad, lower taxes on the rich, cause global warming, make abortion illegal, and create a Christian fascist police state.


Vote for Republicans because you fear Liberals will destroy the economy with punitive taxes on productive people, disarm private citizens, destroy the moral fabric of society, weaken our military, and create a godless communist state.


I am afraid of them both.


I am going to vote for the Libertarian candidate because I do not think  Americans should fear or depend on their government.

 There, I said it.


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10 thoughts on “Hump day political rant

  1. Tony says:

    Now that was good a RANT!!!!

  2. Layman Pong says:

    I’m still sleeping on it.

  3. planetross says:

    The difference between Democrats and Republicans in the U.S. seems to be the difference between using a “fork and knife” or a “fork and spoon” to eat spaghetti: it’s all the same in the end.
    It just seems the rest of the world is eating something other than spaghetti most of the time.

  4. Don’t blame me, I’m voting for Bill and Opus!

    -Turkish Prawn

  5. jimsmuse says:

    Is there a spot on the ballot for “none of the above”?

  6. Burrowowl says:

    Bob Barr? Really? I mean, in most elections the Libertarian candidate’s a pretty reasonable dude. Take Badnarik for example. Barr, on the other hand? Hoo boy, you might not want to send that signal to the major parties: “be more like Bob and I’ll vote for you.”

  7. Bob Barr is not exactly what I would call a true Libertarian, but he is much closer than any other candidate. I did some looking around and found that I disagree with his stance on a many issues including some flip flopping on legalizing drugs, he got all wrapped up in the Clinton impeachment fiasco, and like Clinton he apparently has some issues with his little head telling his big head what to do. He seems to flip flop on Abortion which makes me think he is a bit un-reliable and blows with the wind a bit too much. Also his stance on banning Wiccans from the military really gives me the willies.

    However, he seems to have some experience with Change, not counting changing his mind. While in Congress he served as a senior member of the Judiciary Committee, as Vice-Chairman of the Government Reform Committee, and as a member of the Committee on Financial Services.

    I think his education better prepares him for president than the other candidates. He earned a master’s degree in International Affairs from George Washington University in 1972, and his J.D. from Georgetown University Law Center in 1977.

    He has been a vocal opponent of the Patriot Act; he is a prominent member of the American Civil Liberties Union. He has been a vocal opponent of President George W. Bush’s wiretapping of Americans fiasco. In 2002 Barr voted for the Iraq Resolution, however, he has since called for withdrawal of U.S. forces from Iraq, leaving no permanent military bases.

    Both the Democrats and Republicans seem to be on the road to Socialism, the only difference is that the Democrats are driving a faster car. The Libertarians are at least trying to work towards the other direction.

    More liberty, more choice, more freedom.

    He may be crazy, but at least he is my kind of crazy.

    I am open to listening to the Bob Barr is a nutball replies…


  8. jimsmuse says:

    I’d say something clever, but I’m still reeling from the mention of a “banning Wiccans from the military” — couldn’t we just have a “Don’t Ask, Don’t Spell” policy instead?

    (sorry, I couldn’t resist)

  9. Burrowowl says:

    @pf: Since you’re already aware that Bob’s a nutball, I don’t have much to add.

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