Cat entertainment.

Cats entertain us, and we entertain cats.  Cats know exactly how to entertain us.  It’s we who seem to struggle to understand how to entertain cats. All the toys that they sell in pet stores are a waste of money. Don’t be fooled.  We are the ones who are entertained by cat toys.  All a cat has to do is make believe that a scrap of paper, or small mouse shaped toy is real and we are entertained for hours.  Do you really think that cats play with toys for their own amusement?  To them this is a deadly training simulation.  What cats find entertaining is almost beyond our understanding. 


Here are some examples of what I suspect to be entertaining for cats:  These are personal observations, but can be looked upon as examples of typical behavior.


  • Staring at a wall until it drives me crazy, thus forcing me to react in some way, like throwing a pillow at the damn cat.  
  • Laying on a stair step, posing as a tripping hazard, and then acting totally appalled when this actually causes me to trip.
  • Cuddling in my lap during a movie then for no apparent reason, and with lightning speed, jumps off using my crotch as a springboard. 
  • Bringing a giant humming bird moth to bed to play with at 3am, oops, it got away. 


The list goes on.  I believe that cats do this simply to watch our reactions; if cats could laugh they would immediately make the transition from pet to pest.  I believe that this is why monkeys make poor pets. 


So since turn about is fair play, here is what I find amusing about cat behavior.  This is partially for their benefit.  I believe that cats surf the internet when we are away, I hope they find this post.


We have an elderly cat named Ursula whose defining characteristic is sleeping, eating, and throwing up.  Rip-van-Bulimia.  She also has a disconcerting habit of using her claws to pull food from her dish and eat it off her paw.  If she drops any she lets it lie there on the ground and won’t attempt to pick it up or eat it. One of her favorite sports is throwing up and seeing if we can find the mess with out bare feet late at night.  But that’s her entertainment not mine.  I am obviously getting off track.


Ursula seems unable to get warm, so she has found that the best place to sleep is on one of our computer monitors.  Connors is the favorite since it puts out the most heat.  About once a week she falls asleep so deeply that she literally falls off the monitor onto my son’s keyboard tray.  I am sure that is the high point of Connors online gaming experience.  I am sorry to say that I have never witnessed this; if I had I would still be laughing.

Phoebe is out resident lap rocket.  Her second favorite sport is to climb inside the walls.

The wall where our TV and stereo equipment is located is hollow with an access hole in the side.  The cats discovered this space a while back and love to explore behind the wall.  After a while they found that they can climb up to the top of the wall where there is a hole that leads to the drop ceiling in the library. 


This kind of sounds uppity or like we are rich or something, but it’s just an average size room adjoining the guestroom where we keep a few bookshelves and computers.  That makes it even sound worse. 


Anyway periodically I hear one of our cats pussyfooting around inside the ceiling.  Phoebe has been gaining a little weight.  I didn’t really think about how fat she is getting until yesterday when directly over my head a ceiling tile split into about five pieces, raining down on my laptop and desk.  The tile pieces knocked over my glow in the dark zombie play set and tipped over my scale model 1967 VW bus.  I looked up and there was Phoebe trying to do a chin-up on the remaining T-bar to get up to the next ceiling tile.  I was surprised that a cat so heavy could do a chin up.  Her expression was priceless.  She managed to make it and disappear into the ceiling.  I called for her but all I got in return was a growl and a hiss if I got too close.  So I gave her some distance and hoped that more ceiling tiles don’t give way.  Time to ease back on the cat food.



The last one is Willow.  She is the youngest and least experienced cat in our household.  She is also the one that tries to be oh so cute most of the time.  This works on my wife, but I am not fooled.  She is the cat that I suspect nuked my fire suit.  Yes, my fire suit (Pyro safety protection) fell on to the ground from its normal hanging position in the garage right next to my torch, helmet, hearing protection, and fuse assortment.  Not five feet away are two litter boxes.  It’s always the cutest and most innocent cat that is guilty of the most devious actions.  She must have been the one.  I am not talking about a small amount.  What I saw doesn’t classify as a tinkle.  She hosed down my fire suit.  What did I do to deserve this kind abuse?  Was it all the laps up and down the stairs with the laser pointer?  Maybe the time when I waited for her sniff the sprinkler head before turning on the water?  Maybe it those dry nights where static electric sparks played a key role in saying good night?  I don’t know for sure, but I guess I deserve a little cat pee on my fire suit. 


One thing that I learned about washing a fire suit, it’s the drying that really gets you.  The noise is horrendous, like a skeleton throwing a fit on a tin roof.  Next was the untangling, everything on my fire suit is Velcro.  Strong Velcro, the entire thing was a wad of Velcro and metal clasps.

 Lemony fresh

Willow followed me up the stairs, into the garage and watched me hang up the suit.  She doesn’t say Meow. She never says Meow.  She is, for some reason, limited to making a Moo or Meh sound. She looked up at my fire suit and made a little Mo sound.  It sounded like she was sorry, but I knew better, she was disappointed because she couldn’t pee that high off the ground.





I am sure she found this whole thing quite entertaining.





2 thoughts on “Cat entertainment.

  1. Archvillain says:

    As I mentioned to someone else a few days ago, our sole purpose in a cat’s life is to feed and entertain them. This is why they put up with us.

    BTW, dogs have owners; cats have staff.

  2. Ah yes. Cats.

    I must admit, I love cats. Never been a dog person and would never consider getting one. Not my style.

    They can be a trial though. I sport a scar that I earned about 20 years ago that runs from the base of my pinky on the outer side of my palm, all the way down to the inner wrist, to a point past where a watch band would go.

    That’s from Miss Kitty (a la Gunsmoke). She was 1/2 Siamese, 1/2 black, American Shorthair and all crazy. She thought she was a panther and she might have been right.

    She hated everyone but me, and as the scar implies, I was not always welcome either. Unpredictable? Hoo Yah. But fun too. I used to like to watch her chase dogs out of the yard. She’s long gone but still makes me smile.

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