What about Vampires?

Beside zombie movies I also really enjoy movies about Vampires.   Buffy, Angel, Blade, Underworld, From Dusk to the Dawn, and many others, are some of my favorite movies.  Somehow Vampires haven’t really caught the imagination of people on the internet as much as zombies.  The internet sites I have seen on vampires are mostly for people who wish to emulate the vampire lifestyle.  Vampires are seen as romantic, like a fashion trend, rather than a potential threat to be dealt with.  With the exception of the The Federal Vampire and Zombie Agency there seems to be no websites that address them as a potential threat. 

Zombies and Vampires have a very different following.  They are both undead creatures; however, one is romanticized and emulated, while the other is a source of speculative preparation.  Zombies represent an apocalyptic view of what would happen, while vampires are seen as living with in our society in a kind of equilibrium.  Behind the scenes, romantically dancing in the dark, vampires are portrayed as an enemy that can’t be eliminated entirely, but kept at bay.  While zombies are treated like a virus that must be fought to the death, there is no compromise, it’s us or them.

So a question that has been raised (Pardon the pun) what about preparing for vampires?

Isn’t it irresponsible not to prepare for all potential undead encounters?

Zombie defense is mostly a mater of extermination using silent weapons and traps. The clear advantage about fighting zombies is that you don’t have to out think them.  Strategy comes down to killing them with out getting bitten or otherwise infected.

Vampires are another matter entirely. Are they alive, dead, or both? (Undead) They are portrayed as intelligent creatures that can persuade their victims to do their bidding. In fact some desperate and lonely people may choose to become vampires. This could not be said for zombies. There are no romantic movies about zombies, yet. Can you imagine a television series entitled “Buffy the zombie bludgeoner” or “Interview with the zombie”?  “uh… uh… uh… braiinzzzz…” Not real romantic.

            Also there is a connection between vampires and religion, particularly Christian religions.  I don’t know what garlic has to do with this, but crosses and holy water seem to have a pronounced effect.  And what’s up with silver?  And why do wooden stakes work better than other materials? What about recycled wood pulp? This makes for a bewildering array of weapon maintenance issues.  Would wooden bullets work?  Would Holy water balloons work as hand grenades?  How about cross door mats?  What’s this whole thing about having to be invited inside?

There are many books written about vampires but not many in the “How to” secton of your book store.

I can imagine the books listed in the undead management section…

Vampire tools and their maintenance.

Chapters examples:

  1. Shopping for your undead tool box, Home Depot or Lowes?
  2. Freshness of garlic and its effect on the undead.
  3. Making stakes last longer with varnish.
  4. Full spectrum lighting, myth or the final solution?
  5. Boiling down Holy water to increase potency; a how to guide.
  6. Crosses, does size matter?  The truth about crucifixes and the undead.

I could go on and on but the point is that a lot more thought would have to go into preparing for an attack of vampires than zombies.


There are two main decisions that needs to be made when deciding what to prepare for; is the threat credible, and is preparation possible? 

Take for instance the threat of a meteor the size of the moon slamming into the earth.  Not only is this unlikely but impossible to prepare for. 

That is how I feel about vampires.  I believe that the odds of vampires existing are much less than that of zombies.  Zombies don’t require much in the way of supernatural intervention.  Examples of zombification in other animals are a known fact.  Examples of Vampirism are just not as credible.  I am not talking about vampire bats or leaches as an example, they don’t turn people into vampires.  And bats will drink holy water if they get a chance.  Quirky behavior of lonely individuals and religious cults can’t be considered hard evidence. Some people think Vampirism lifestyle choice; this doesn’t ever happen with zombies, except serious maybe hard core drug users. I also believe that if you’re prepared for zombies you can handle just about anything else. 

Except vampires and giant meteors.

But that’s just my opinion.

 I could be wrong.

I do like garlic.

And have mirrors.

Wooden stakes are useful in the garden…


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