5:30 Target.

TV Commercials seem to pander to a certain demographic, or target audience. I am not sure what they base this information on, but it does seem to follow a kind of logic.  During the Supper Bowl you get lots of commercials targeted to men, commercials for trucks, beer, cars, deodorants, etc.  During the Oprah Winfrey show you get commercials for feminine hygiene products, cleaning products, and diet plans.  I am just speculating that this would be an example of how marketing people assess the viewers of programs that are showed at a given time. 

I would like to think that people watching TV news at 5:30 Am on a weekday would share a number of things in common with me.  

Apparently that is not the case.

 

From my observations, here is what I believe advertisers assume about people who watch TV news at 5:30 am on a weekday:

 

They Pee themselves a lot.

They are obsessive about clean bathrooms.

They are obsessive about clean everything else.

They need a new car.

They don’t have enough life insurance.

They use credit cards too much.

They don’t have enough credit.

They can’t get car insurance or a car.

They are at least 50 lbs overweight, but have a lot of money.

They need a work out machine to loose weight.

They need drugs to loose weight in case the work out machine fails.

They need drugs to keep from being depressed.

They need drugs to keep from having a heart attack

They need drugs to bring down their cholesterol.

They need lots of drugs.

They need a number to sleep.

With out an alarm system a white guy with a crow bar will break their window in a gated community while you’re at home.

They are too stupid to operate a computer so order a CD rom to teach you how.

 

I also learned a few facts.

 

From the Add Council I learned:

If you take the stairs your love handles will fall off.

If you run in the park your ass falls off.

If you play in the snow with your kids your thunder thighs will fall off.

Since no one shows women how to be moms there is a government program.  And they will give you food.

Good fathers act like idiots around their kids. 

If you’re in a grocery store and find a double chin on the floor leave it alone.

 

Other things I learned:
If you are hurt for any reason, a Lawyer will give you money.

Propane is better than electricity.

Cars on TV don’t need license plates.

The Mac is a cool computer and the PC is for fat pasty white guys.

All women wearing only underwear are extremely thin.

All men who shave drive fast.

Somewhere there are private closed courses for people to drive on.  But apparently you have to be a professional driver to know where they are.

No one under 60 wins money from publishers clearing house.

 

So just for fun I am going to create a profile of a person out of what I learned.

 

Fred is a 65 year old overweight poor white man with health problems who can’t sleep due to worry about being unable to get auto insurance because of accidents and tickets.  He is shopping for a car with the money he got from a lawyer for suing a drug company that didn’t make him slim and sexy.  With a credit card, he bought a TV for every room so he could watch TNT while obsessively cleaning everything including the top of ceiling fans.  His retirement plan is to wait for the publishers clearing house people to show up and he is trying not to pee on himself while learning to operate a PC. 

 

It doesn’t seem to apply to me.

At least not yet.

Check back in 22 years.

-PF

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