Aliens among us

 

I am going to be labeled for this.

Yep, sure as taxes you write two blogs about your cats and someone is going to label you a cat lover.

Or worse.

 

I am going to risk it any how; it will be worth it to get this off my chest.

 

It used to think my cat was an alien. Now I think that all cats are aliens, well their leaders anyway. Not in the sense that they came from someplace else and don’t have a green card. I mean out of this world from another planet or at least another dimension kind of alien.

 

I found this out, or at least developed this theory while I was laid up after back surgery. I found that each cat had a behavior that was unique. No surprise there. But just wait and see how diabolical this gets…

 

One cat would be friendly and bring in all kinds of stuff from outside, birds, moths, candy wrappers. The other one would be all cute and roll around on the floor wanting to be petted but would run away if you got near.

 

It was the third one that was creeping me out.

 

She would spend her time watching the other cats. Then she would watch me to see my reactions to what the others were doing. The only time when I would see that cat alone, she would have this far away look on her face, staring into the distance and slowly move her ears, just like they were antenna. The other cats would periodically come up to the third one and stare at her, not moving and then just walk away. Don’t tell me you haven’t seen this behaviour in cats. What else could it be?

 

Non verbal communication.

 

Scary.

I think they are observing us. Then reporting what they find.

Think about it, can you imagine any other thing that is as good at provoking emotion as a cat? Maybe MS windows or IT support, but they have been around only a few years, cats have been around for thousands of years. A cat can make you fly through the gambit of emotions faster anything, but only if you get sucked into their world.

Dog people seam to be immune.

I started to think that maybe cats were placed on earth to evaluate humans and to report back to the “Mother ship”. For what purpose I shutter to think.

 

I figure that there are at least three types of cats on this mission.

I am relatively certain that I have a good representative of all three at home.

Aliens

One is there only to test our emotional capacity I call that one the Examiner.

Note the behaviors:

Purring, then the clawing

Warm soft, then the cat box

Strutting around wanting to be petted, then running away.

Meowing and slinking about, then cat but in the face.

Waiting until midnight to cough up a hair ball. On your bed.

Sharpening claws on furniture then purring in you lap.

It’s obvious; the cat is testing you. How close can a cat get to pissing you off enough to strangle it? That’s the examiners job. This I believe is the most risky job.

 

The next one is the Observer. This cat is the crux of the whole operation, he or she watches and reports. Also provides feedback to the Examiner as to performance and how far to push us humans.

 

The last is what I call the control. This cat is not properly an alien but is a part of the diabolical plan. This cat is just as it seems, however its role is to hide the existence of the others by imitating both the Examiner and the Observer. This cat also does the PR work. It kills rodents, and generally contributes to the cute factor. This creates a huge support group with in the ranks of humans. This just shows just how diabolical the cat is.

 

I suspect that there is a fourth that receives the messages from the Observer, however I do not know if they are located on earth or not.

 

The number involved in this plot could be in the millions. However there may only be a few hundred of the Observer, and a few thousand of the Examiner. It would only take a dozen or so Observers for each population center to get a good sample of human behavior.

 

Now there are several schools of thought on how to deal with this information. It all depends upon what level of threat you believe exists. How dangerous is it to leave this un-addressed?

 

Here are our choices:

1. We could be nice to Cats (At least when they are watching) so when our cat overloads’ show up were on their good side.

2. We could wipe them out, as soon as possible to prevent any more communication.

3. Lock up PF for his stupid ideas.

4. Ignore the issue; it may go away on its own. After all cats have been around for thousands of years, what is the chance that the Cat overlords’ are coming after all this time?

5. We could just wait it out and try to prepare, cat toys are a good start, and it may distract them from their mission.

 

However we should be aware of how cats treat other beings they have concurred. Ruthlessly and with out pity.

Think of small birds and mice, is that what is in store for the human race?

I believe it’s time to contemplate who domesticated who.

And get a fish for a pet.

-PF

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One thought on “Aliens among us

  1. archvillain says:

    Interesting theory. I don’t agree with it, of course, but it seems well thought out.

    MY theory is built into your second-to-last sentence:
    “… contemplate who domesticated who.”

    Cat’s don’t have owners. Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

    Don’t you see? We are merely their personal servants!

    Think about it. Cats have trained you to recognize THEIR signals about when they want to be fed, let outside, played with, cuddled, left alone, etc. As soon as a cat enters your household, it immediately begins re-arranging the social order of the house to suit itself (the cat is, of course, at the top of the social heirarchy).

    I work for three cats as well. They generally follow the behavior patterns you have described so well. Is this evidence of a conspiracy? Damned straight. But it’s too late to repel the invasion of the Cat Overlords, they’re already here.

    I, for one, welcome our new Cat Overlords … with gifts of tuna and fleece blankets.

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