News

Well now is the time for a little a check on what’s news for the moment. Here is what I have found out about the state of America from checking the news.

  • Everybody drives like their crazy.
  • Guns should be banned.
  • Guns don’t kill people crazy people with guns kill people.
  • If crazy people didn’t have guns they wouldn’t kill people, with guns at least.
  • The Taliban, Christians, US government, President Bush, Michel More, Money, Hollywood and Catholic priest’s are the root of all evil.
  • People in the government loose laptops a lot.
  • God in school is bad.
  • God in government is not good either.
  • God’s pretty good in December, March or April
  • The economy is in the toilet, or booming at a rapid rate, or growing too fast, or not fast enough.
  • Global warming is going to or is already causing disease, starvation, raising waters, plagues of insects, boils, land shrinkage, deserts growing, dogs and cats living together.
  • Its a good thing we are causing global warming, it will help prevent the effects of the next ice age.
  • Teachers sleep with their students a lot. Then go to jail for it.
  • The war in Iraq will never end.
  • If your not a blond young girl your out of luck if you kidnapped in a foreign country.
  • Brad, Jenifer, Angelina, are more important than you.
  • Everyone in Hollywood makes loads of money but they are real guilty about it.
  • Being fat is bad, so is being too thin, or not looking like a teenager.
  • Eating carbs is good, or not.
  • Eating fish is bad, then good, then bad.
  • Natural disasters target poor people more than rich people.
  • Mexicans are invading America.
  • Canadians arn’t.

That about wraps it up. I’m sure I missed a bunch of important things.

So what earth shattering new item listed above will we remember next year at this time?

I figure that we will still have a presence in Iraq, and everyone will be bitching about it. Global warming will still be an issue until another alarm rings that is deemed more important. I am just waiting for someone to suggest that global warming will cause the onset of an early ice-age.

Our relationship with god will be ever more confusing.

And our friends in Hollywood will still be a mystery, but we will forgive any transgression.

Also we will find out that Mexicans arn’t trying to take over America, they just think that Mexico sucks more than America. And Mexico won’t pay them to live there.

I also know that what ever is the big news for next year it will have a small chance of effecting me personally. If you look at the statistics of everyday life the odds of being hit with a natural disaster, dying in war, sleeping with a teacher, or getting shot is pretty low.

I just hope that next year is one of the booring years, like the ones I knew growing up. When the big news was something bad hapening to people overseas, and were wern’t involved. I seam to remember that happening a lot when I was a kid.

PF

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One thought on “News

  1. spudgun says:

    I must say, I agree.

    In the words of my asteemed ol’man, “I’ll worry about it when the hezbollah a-bomb lands on my head.”

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