Listening device

I have some hearing loss due to years of working in construction, but my hearing loss seems to be selective. I know that hearing aids have been common for decades, what I need is a listening aid.  In my case maybe both in one gadget would be best.  I am not sure how such a device would work, it would have to have a very complicated program to monitor my conversations and update me on what was meant rather than what I perceived.  I figure it would be powered by an internet connection to the cloud where Google holds its search results.  Use the same programing techniques they use to target advertisements.

 

For example, last night I could have used such a device.  We were watching Star Trek on “TV”. My wife mentioned just before the movie started that we needed to go to the grocery store.  After a while when the movie was at the point where a young Kirk was in a bar in Iowa about to get into a fight with some Star Feet cadets, my wife says, “You can pause it by pressing the space bar”.  My ears heard what she said, but my brain only heard the words “hit, space, and bar”  Yes, Kirk was about to get hit, a lot of the show takes place in space, and they were in a bar, what’s your point?  I said, “Hua?”

At this point, if I had this miraculous listening/hearing device, it would repeat to my ear: “She is telling you to pause the movie so you can go to the grocery store with her, dumb ass”.  Then I could have answered in a more coherent manner.  She wouldn’t have to keep repeating herself until I finally came out of my OCD like science fiction induced trance.

 

Actually this device would also come in handy at work deciphering my bosses intentions.  However, I am not sure if such a device could handle the transition between work and home life.  Maybe there should be two models.  I would call the one for work The PHB translator, and the one for home The spouse decoder.  If Apple made the device it would of course be called the i-PHB, and the i-Spouse.

 

Of course there would have to be a male / female model as well.  Which brings us to another discussion all together. Remember the device probably won’t be able to read minds, just keep track of previous conversations and improve over time by recognizing mistakes.  Women are all different, if you borrowed a friends device it could have disastrous consequences.

 

pf

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One thought on “Listening device

  1. planetross says:

    Sometimes my good friend says stuff that I don’t respond to immediately: he thinks I haven’t heard what he’s said.
    I have, but it takes a while to process … like a day or two.
    … I need a speaking prompt device that tells him that I’ve heard what he says … maybe something that goes “ummm” or “uh-huh”.
    That way, my responding to his questions/statements two days later won’t sound so weird.

    note: is there an “i-m going to think about it for a while” app in the making for Apple?

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