AQS

 

 

 

Al-Qaeda Squirrel attacks local community college
The incidences of terrorist’s attacks in America have been notoriously under reported.  I did a quick search and found many blog entries and internet stories that have been virtually ignored by the main stream media.  These attacks are not by human Al-Qaeda members but by what I would call a rogue rodent splinter cell.  Yes, a serious accusation, but true. The evidence points to Squirrels as the primary followers of this Al-Qaeda “Sleeper” cell. 

 

I believe that the Al-Qaeda Squirrel movement started in the UK. 

 

The first incidence of a serious attack was in England and involved a high voltage vertical attack that resulted in a fire bombing of a Toyota Camry. 

 

It appears that AQS members moved to the United States by way of an American Airlines flight from Tokyo to Texas.  The plane was forced to land in Hawaii and one rodent was hunted down and killed. It is suspected that he was not acting alone.  How the AQS operative managed to get from England to Tokyo is unknown at this time.

 

The British government and the Bush administration seem to be working to end this Terror cell before they can indoctrinate Squirrels in the American heartland.  Sending agents into Iran and the use of badger hit squads is thought to be cruel and unusual, and is currently under review by the American Supreme Court.

 

There are people in America that are attempting to fight back, however they are hampered by regulations at home that are designed to protect us. 

 

Today it seems that the AQS movement has begun an organized attack of our University system.  Well, maybe not Americas University system but our all important community college system.  We were under siege.  Well maybe not under siege, but inconvenienced to say the least.  For the first time that I am aware of an Al-Qaeda Squirrel went after an infrastructure target rather than an individual target. 

 

The target of opportunity was the main electrical power supply to our campus.  The Evil Squirrel martyr didn’t even show any sign of remorse as he jumped between the main 13,200 volt power lines.  A local contractor thought a bomb went off, the explosion was so loud.  The explosion blew the two of the three phases of power coming on to the campus.  “The squirrel really knew what he was doing” Said the power company technician.  “He understood exactly where to hit to bring down the entire campus”

 

Luckily for the campus and the students we were prepared.   We had an emergency generator installed that can support the entire campus.  Thank goodness for Homeland Security and to our wise leadership who recommended that we get an emergency generator back in 1992.  They must have had vision to see troubling times such as these.

 

Even with an emergency generator it was still a major hit on our productivity.  Systems had to be checked, and equipment had to be restarted, and all kinds of vital inquiries had to be answered.  Questions like, “the lights flickered for a few minutes and it really scared me” were common.  Some people had to be re-assured that the threat to their livelihood was only temporary.  It is impossible to calculate the total damage that was done by that one lone rodent terrorist.  Imagine if they learn to work in groups.  Can a coordinated attack on other important installations be far away?  What happens when these rodents of doom begin a coordinated attack on real universities, or heaven forbid high schools?  With gun free zones what will we do to protect ourselves?

 

Look for the possible presence of an AQS cell is developing on your college or university campus. They leave subtle clues.  

Look for the following signs:

 

• Squirrels that face east and rhythmically bump their heads onto the ground.
• Watch out if you see a lone squirrel repeatedly visiting the same spot with a camera.
• Squirrels that scratch small seemingly random patterns in dirt and tree trunks, these are messages to other members.
• Look out for a squirrel wearing a backpack.  Beware, of this misdirection, remember squirrels carry food in their cheeks, they don’t need a backpack.

 

Call homeland security immediately. 

 

If we only paid attention to these signs we would have been saved hours of inconvenience and answering questions like “When the power comes back on will I be able to turn on the lights again?” and “Is it ok if I run my computer while we are on the generator?” 

 

Remember they may be cute, but they may be working for the other side.  AQS is out to destroy the American way of life.

 

This is a public service.

 

PF